Falling in Love
by ijustkeepswimming
Summary: A series of moments shared by Charlie and Joey as they fall in love with each other...
1. Chapter 1

_Welcome to my new story! The basic premise of this one is to follow a series of significant moments in the Charlie/Joey relationship as seen on the show. This one starts with Joey's POV from the day on the boat. It's some light romance, really. I hope you like it – and I hope you review! Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter One: Joey**

Did I have to go through all that pain in order to stand here with you in this moment, here and now? I won't romanticise and say it was worth it. I will never cease to grieve for all that I've lost. But you to me are the most beautiful vision I have ever seen. I'm lost in your eyes. I could drown in your soul right here, right now. I fell apart and you put me back together. You've taken better care of me than anyone has even ever wanted to before. Sometimes I struggle to read you. I never quite know what you're thinking. But I think... I hope you feel connected to me. It won't be the way I feel connected to you but I am happy to take whatever I can get.

What are we even doing here? We were talking and laughing, dancing and laughing even more. And now the track has changed, the mood feels suddenly intense. I'm not sure why but I'm shy and overwhelmed by the way you're looking at me. How are you looking at me? What are you feeling? What is going through your mind that your hand is twitching in anxiety? Do you want me to reach out to you? I'm scared. What if I'm reading this wrong? I don't even know how I'm reading things at all. The likelihood of you wanting me is so small it's laughable. But then, I thought that about you wanting to be my friend. And yet here you are. Standing before me, staring at me, looking like you're longing for something to happen but you don't know what it is.

Steeling myself, I'm reaching out to you. I feel like my whole life is depending on this moment. Maybe it is. I don't know. I take your hand and you're not pulling away. I'm standing on the deck of a boat, a place that I would call home. I'm so close to you. I'm lost in your eyes and you're staring right back at me. I'm holding your hand and you're holding mine. How could this even be happening? It's making my head spin. I love your smile, your skin, the faint smell of your perfume and your hair is flying all about your perfect face.

You reach for my other hand. It's you who makes the move, although I am elated and eager to respond. I can barely breathe. I'm really here, touching you. If I get any closer we'll be breast to breast, heart to heart. You bring our hands up between us. Your fingers won't stop moving as you trace my skin, sending shivers all through my spin. My heart is racing. I feel like I might combust. I can barely look away from you. You captivate me more than anyone else ever has. I'm addicted to you. Time feels like it's standing still. And I am falling in love.

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><p><em>Next time... Charlie's perspective of her boat trip with Joey...<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for all your lovely feedback on this fic. I hope you continue to enjoy it. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Two: Charlie**

Is it weird that I am having one of the best days of my life? I'm chilling on a boat; I've had a nice lunch and good conversation. I could have that with anyone. But because it's with you, it's the most amazing time I've had in forever.

I was nervous about seeing you today. That's why I cancelled yesterday. Ruby sent my head into a spin because she's noticed the attraction between us. I've been terrified. She can only see your feelings but I think it's only a matter of time before she and everyone else figure out the truth. I've only known you a couple of weeks and you're stealing my heart. I can't even breathe around you. I've never felt like this about any guy and now I'm so scared that I'm feeling it for a girl. Feeling it for you. But I just can't help myself.

And you're not helping either. You went to so much effort for me today. You wanted to thank me. You wanted to make me feel special. And you have. Just being in the same room as you makes me feel special. We're sitting here and you're pouring your heart out to me. And more than that, I'm pouring my heart out to you. I don't do that. I have so many secrets locked inside of me. I have so many things to hide. And yet I'll happily share with you. I'll trust you and let you in. Sometimes I feel like I could tell you anything, even the worst of me, and you'd still understand.

I had a getaway planned today. I told you I'd arranged to meet with a friend but I couldn't bring myself to leave you when the time came. You'd made so much effort and it felt wrong to abandon you. And I confess that I was having the most wonderful time. Like I said, I'm having the best day of my life. You're gazing at me with your beautiful eyes, dazzling me with your smile and innocently telling me that I'm lovely. I do feel lovely when I'm around you. I don't for most of the rest of the time but when we're together, I feel like I could be anyone. I feel like I could be who you think I am.

You're touching my thigh. It's a friendly gesture but with one, single touch you're setting my soul and my body on fire. And then before you've even started, you're gone. I'm laughing because you're up and dancing, wild and carefree and having fun. I admire you. After everything you've been through, to be able to smile and dance and laugh... well, that's a special quality. You're extending your hand and you want me to dance alongside you. I refuse. I'd feel like an idiot. But you're far too alluring to deny and before I know it, I'm up and dancing with you. Every moment I spend with you just gets better.

The music changes so suddenly. I'd forgotten myself for a moment there but now with a romantic setting and lilting lyrics, I'm losing myself in your eyes. I feel awkward and shy and so do you. There's a big, white elephant between us and neither of us know what to say. I'm torn between my need to run far away from you, forgetting about you and reclaiming my heterosexuality, and staying, right here in front of you and giving you everything that I am. My hands are twitching with indecision and I know in the moment that you reach out so gently towards me, that you really do have feelings for me too.

We're standing on a boat, gazing into each other's eyes and holding hands. How did this happen? Why aren't I stopping things right here and now? I should break contact, shake away these thoughts inside my head. I should break this moment but I'm too deeply under your spell. I take your other hands and pull you in close. You're close enough to kiss. I want to kiss you. I feel like I need to. I'm standing here, stroking your skin and taking in your every breathtaking feature. I'm falling in love.

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><p><em>Next time... Joey's thoughts and feelings as she tries to figure out why Charlie ran away...<em>


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: Joey**

I take a deep breath as I prepare to knock on your door. You abandoned me on the boat. You looked so scared and awkward as you ran away. And I haven't seen you since I got home. Leah said you'd been in your room all evening so far. Then Ruby came and said you had a migraine. In a bid to see you, I'm taking you some aspirin and some water but to be honest, I doubt you've got a migraine at all. It's too coincidental. Do you hate me? What happened today? Are you afraid of your feelings? I swear I saw them. I know it's unlikely that someone as wonderful as you would ever be interested in someone like me but I'm sure I saw a flicker there. I don't know. I can't explain it. And I doubt you can either.

Bracing myself, I knock and call your name. You don't answer but I come in anyway. If you're resting or asleep, if you really are sick, then the least I can do is deposit the pills and water anyway. Opening the door, I see you in your pyjamas and dressing gown, curled up on top of the blankets. You're turned away from me and you show no sign of moving. But from what I can see of your face, you're vacant, you're lost. Did I do that to you? Am I that terrible that sharing a moment like that with me makes you feel so sad?

I offer you the medication and I can't help but wonder aloud if you're sick at all. You're offended but even you must see the coincidence of today. I should leave. I know I should leave but I can't. I challenge you.

"Isn't that why you're hiding up here?" I ask. "Because of what happened."

You still refuse to look at me. I don't know why but I know you want me gone. Right now, you look like you wish you'd never met me in the first place. I don't think a lot of myself but am I really that awful? I'm hovering over you, hands shoved in my pockets and feeling unsure as you tell me that nothing happened.

It's clear that I should leave but I need answers. I need to find out how you feel about what happened today. So, I sit on the bed at your feet and tell you that you know what I'm talking about. You finally sit up and look at me. Even though you're looking forlorn, you're still beautiful to me. Is it wrong that even now, in this moment, I want you so badly? I don't even know how this happened. I mean, the fact that you're beautiful is obvious enough. But I'm not entirely sure when friendship became more for me. I guess it's been flattering that you've showered me with so much attention. And we have so much fun together. You make me laugh, you make me happy. I can share things with you that I've never shared with anyone else. Even right now, when you look like you hate me, I'm still in love with you. Call me a glutton for punishment but I just can't help myself.

And now you're sitting there, looking so stunning and telling me that I've read everything wrong. You tell me that if you'd have known I would develop feelings for you, you would have been more careful. You apologise if I think you led me on. You didn't want to give me the wrong impression. You care about me as a friend and that's all. I'm devastated and I feel like a fool. I really thought... hoped... wished for a moment there that maybe you did have feelings for me. But you're looking certain and severe and you're pushing me away. I feel like my heart is breaking. How can it soar and sink so much in just one afternoon? A flood of guilt rushes over me. You've been so good to me and I've taken advantage. I've made you feel uncomfortable. I hate myself. I apologise. You nod and tell me it's okay, just barely. Your voice is nothing but a whisper. I gaze longingly at you just one more time and then I leave. And I know for sure that I am going to have to leave you forever.

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><p><em>Next time... Charlie's interpretation of the bedroom conversation...<em>


	4. Chapter 4

_As these chapters kind of go in pairs, I thought I'd post this one up today too. I hope you enjoy both chapters. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Four: Charlie**

I wonder if I can hide out in my room forever. If nobody sees my face, maybe they won't see the change that's come over me these last few days. If I can stay here, I can pretend that nothing is going on inside me. I barely even understand what's happened, except that I shared an undeniable moment with you today. It was intense, it was charged and it was romantic. We stood there, gazing into each other's eyes, hearts pounding, holding hands, close enough to kiss. I wanted to kiss you so badly. Every time I close my eyes, I see you. I feel your breath and I can smell your perfume. I can almost feel your lips and I'm torn between regret at not knowing what they really feel like, and certainty that kissing girls is not the kind of thing I should do. But I know I wanted to. I wanted to so much. I've fallen in love with you and I haven't got the first clue over what to do about it. So, here I am, feigning a migraine and hiding from my feelings.

I can't bring myself to sit up when I hear a knock on the door. I know it's you before you even speak. Your voice calls my name and it's so meek and full of confusion. All I want to do is pull you into my arms and finish the moment we shared together out on the boat. But I ignore you. You come in anyway and I keep my face turned away. I know my eyes will betray all my feelings and I can't bear it. I hear the click of the door and you put down pills and a glass of water for my migraine that we both know I'm lying about. I'm in some kind of pain but it's not going to be remedied by aspirin.

You're hovering over me and the uncertainty between us is growing and growing. You ask if I'm hiding up here because of what happened.

"Nothing happened," I lie.

I don't even know how I can say the words. We were both there. Of course something happened. It's not something I can explain or describe but it was there, whether I want it to be or not.

I feel you come to perch on the bed and I will you to keep your distance. The firm wall between my sensibilities and my longing is crumbling.

"You know what I'm talking about," you say.

I force myself to sit up and look at you and it's so hard not to get lost in your eyes. They're so soulful, so earnest.

It wasn't the boat. It wasn't the setting. It wasn't a one moment thing. I'm in love with you. And I'm terrified. Every inch of me is fighting against reaching out to you. You've been through so much and you're so strong, far stronger than I ever was. I want to hold you, I want to start that kiss we missed. And I never want it to stop. But I don't.

I make all the protestations any straight girl would – apologising if I led you on or gave you the wrong impression. I didn't. Everything you think I felt, I did feel. I'm far too aware of how much I want you, how deeply I feel for you. But the words are stuck in my throat and I can't tell you the truth. If I express my feelings out loud, that means they're real. I can't bear it. How did I ever manage to fall in love with a girl? I've never even fallen in love with a boy before.

You're studying me, trying to figure out how I'm feeling. I try to shut down so that you can't. It's only been a few weeks and you can already read me like a book. The sadness in your eyes is overwhelming. I don't want to hurt you but I'm just so confused. I can't even begin to explain to myself or you, how I feel right now. So I say that I care for you as a friend and that's all. It's a big, fat lie.

"I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable," you say unhappily. "I'm sorry."

My heart breaks into a million pieces. I don't know if I'm glad or sad that you believe what I'm telling you. I don't want you to know I'm in love. I'm too scared of that. But you're sensitive and vulnerable and I don't want you to think you've done something wrong. You haven't. We were both right there in the moment, me as much as you. But rather than reassuring you, I just tell you it's okay, ready to sweep the whole thing under the carpet. Somehow, I don't think it's going to be that easy.

I can't quite meet your gaze as you hurriedly try to reassure me that nothing was premeditated. You just wanted me to have a nice day and spend some time on a boat. It was never your intention to hit on me. I know that. You'd never manipulate a person or a situation, even with good intentions. It's not who you are. You're good and pure, you're beautiful and honest. You're everything I wish I could be. I'm flattered to think that someone as amazing as you would even look at me. I just wish I could do something about it.

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><p><em>Next time... Charlie and Joey's first kiss...<em>


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you all for your feedback. It feels kind of nice to go back to the original story and revisit the moments that we all fell in love with. I hope you enjoy the next two chapters. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Five: Joey**

You'd think nearly dying would shake me out of my misery but it's just compounded it and I need to get away. I need to walk out of Summer Bay and leave this life behind. Too much has happened and my heart hurts too much. I'm still recovering from Robbo raping me. And today, he kidnapped and tried to kill me. I was seconds from death. And still this situation with you is the only thing I can think about.

You mean so much to me but I think the only thing I can do is leave you behind. You don't need some lesbian giving you puppy dog eyes and following you around. I reckon you and Hugo will make a go of things and I know I wouldn't be able to stand it. Last night, knowing you were on a first date with him, was hard enough. I can't see the woman I love, the woman who will never love me, swanning around town with man candy on her arm. I can't do it. I'm leaving. And I'm not even saying goodbye. I just have to pack my stuff and get out of here. _Knock, knock_. My heart sinks. As if on cue, you show up. I know it's you. Who else would it be?

I drop my stuff and storm towards the door, opening it up but not waiting to see you. I return to my packing. I know if I hang around too much, you'll convince me to stay. That's assuming you want me to stay. I don't know what's going on in your head. You were so cold yesterday, going out on a date with Hugo and making out that I'd made an unwelcome pass at you. I bought it when you said it but the more I think about it, the more I can't believe this is one sided. You might not want to have feelings for me, but I think you do. That sounds big headed. In a normal situation, I would never think _anyone _would like me, let alone someone as wonderful as you. But we've been thrown together, we're wrapped up in each other and I am so sure you felt something too.

I don't remember a whole lot of the rescue today but I remember you pulling me out of the water. I remember you holding me. And I saw you cry. I know I did. But by the time we all got back to the station, you disappeared. You took Robbo in for questioning and ignored me. I waited. I gave you time to acknowledge me but you didn't. So I came here to pack and leave.

But now you're here. You're standing here, looking all hot in your uniform. I force myself to focus on packing and not look at your beautiful face. I make it clear that I don't want you here but I think we both know it's too late for that. I need you too much and I hate having to walk away.

You're talking to me, all business and trying to show professional caring. I don't need you to tell me that I nearly died. I know that. And continuing to spend time with you in this situation is never going to make it easier, even if you tell me I shouldn't be alone. I am alone. I've always been alone. You comforted me for a time and you gave me hope that perhaps I could find some kind of family but it's over now. Everything is over now.

You come to stand beside me and I can't cope with you so close so I move, making it look like I'm just continuing to pack. You're watching me, studying me and telling me I'm probably still in shock. I can barely hear you over the beating of my heart.

"I'm not."

My words come out cold and I hate seeing you so lost. I look at you for a moment, trying and failing to read your expression. You carry on speaking, worrying that the reality of the situation will hit me soon. I've already been hit with reality. I don't need more. I can feel tears stinging my eyes so I look up at the ceiling in a desperate bid to keep them in. But it's too much for me. I love you too damn much.

"Charlie, please!" I beg.

I don't really know what I want from you. Well, I do, but it's not something you're going to give.

I look at you. You seem so confused and I wonder if you have any idea what's going on in my head. You want to know why I didn't tell you where I was going, why I just took off. I don't even have the words to explain so I continue packing, still fighting tears.

But you press on. You tell me that if you hadn't found me in time, I would have died. At this moment, I don't even care. Maybe everything would have been simpler if Robbo had finished me off. What do I have, really? My parents are dead. My brother hates me. I'm a rape victim. I have no job prospects and nowhere to live. And I've managed to alienate the most amazing woman I've ever met. I barely respond. I don't know what to say to you anymore. I just want you to let it go so we can both move on. But you won't. You ask why I left again. I guess we haven't communicated so well recently. And it makes me so sad.

Only a couple of days ago, I was so happy. I was telling you how much you meant to me. We were laughing. We were dancing. We could have kissed. But it all went wrong. Now you're rubbing my face in dates with guys and I'm sneaking out the back door. And I couldn't even get that right. I just have to get out of here. I wish you'd stop asking questions. I snap. My words come out jumbled as I desperately try to explain that I thought I was doing the right thing.

"You were obviously having difficulty with me being there and..."

I try so hard not to cry but you're breaking my heart.

"And I can't be around you anymore," I say. "It's too hard, Charlie. It's too confusing!"

I feel desperate and you look wounded and uncertain. It's hard to read your expression as you look down and bite on your lip, trying to figure out how to respond. You're going to reject me. You're going to make some sweeping statement, dismissing everything that's happened and wanting to forget about it. We can barely look at each other. How did this happen?

I wait. It comes. You apologise for giving me false signals. I laugh bitterly and quietly, wondering if you really believe the words that spill out of you at times like these.

"You gave me signals, Charlie but there was nothing false about them," I challenge boldly.

I don't know why I'm bothering. How is the conversation ever going to end well? It's hurting me and it's hurting you. And as bitter as I feel right now, I swear I never want to hurt you. I love you. Even as you shake your head, looking scared and tell me that I'm wrong, I love you.

Opting not to pursue the conversation, I ask how your date with Hugo went. I don't want to know. You're no stranger to a one night stand. You've already told me that, back when neither of us thought something like this could be on the cards. Did you sleep with him? Did you kiss him? Have you arranged another date? Did you forget me the moment you walked out the door? I have so many questions but I'm afraid of the answers and that's why I have to go. You tell me the date was fine without any enthusiasm. I try not to hope that it went badly, that on some level, spending the evening with Hugo made you miss me. You can't have missed me that much though. You didn't notice I was gone until today and I was out all night. I gaze at you for the last time before I panic and delve back into my packing.

"Where are you going?" you ask.

"I don't know."

I cast you another glance and thank you for stopping by. You move forward, looking almost desperate and overcome. It's strange. I haven't seen you like this before. You normally hide your feelings so well but the hurt in your eyes is raw. It's unnerving.

"Why are you doing this?" you ask, sounding frantic. "We can still be friends, can't we?"

I look at you with disgust. You really don't get what's going on, do you? How can I be your friend when I love you so much? How can you be my friend when you're so intent on holding me at arms length, when you feel so weird around me? For all your talk about gay people being normal and acceptable, you don't believe it. If I was a guy and I had a crush on you, you wouldn't care. You even told me about that Angelo guy, when you first met. He hit on you every day and you could laugh it off. But I'm a girl. And you don't want some homosexual lusting after you. So no, I cannot be your friend. You're asking too much of me.

You tell me firmly that you like men, that you've only liked men. But the sound of your voice breaks me and I pause to gaze at your face. You look like you're going to cry. I've never seen this side of you before and I don't understand what you're trying to say.

"I've never felt like this before!"

The end of your plea hangs in the air and I eye you with cautious curiosity.

"Felt like what before?" I ask.

Tell me how you're feeling, Charlie. Tell me what's in your heart. Be honest with me. If you tell me now that you're not attracted to me in that way, fine, I'll leave it alone and I'll leave you. I won't bear any grudges. I'll just see it as a blip in my pitiful romantic life and I'll set up somewhere new. But if you love me... even if you like me a little bit... please tell me. Give me something to work with. Give me anything. You gaze at me. Then you lean in for a kiss.

I can hardly believe what's happening. Time slows down as I feel you leaning into me. Your soft lips are pressed against mine. My mouth was open as I stared at you and now my lips are back together and they're crushed against yours. All my dreams have come true. I am kissing Charlie Buckton. How did this happen? I never want it to end. But it does. I pull back, staring at you. You're as startled as I am. You look more confused than ever and yet you're still so enchanting. We kissed. You kissed me. I was allowed to kiss you back. It only lasted a couple of seconds but they were the best two seconds of my life. Five minutes ago, I was ready to walk out on you forever. Now I'm falling even more deeply in love.

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><p><em>Next time... Charlie perspective on her first kiss with Joey...<em>


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six: Charlie**

I'm frantic as I pull up outside the hotel. My heart is pounding and my breath is shallow as I panic at the thought that after everything we've been through today, I might lose you after all. I know I hurt you by going on that date with Hugo. If I'd have behaved like an adult, you wouldn't have gone. I was so rude to you. I wasn't a friend. There you were, making a nice dinner for all of us and little had I known, it was your way of saying goodbye. And I just said I wasn't coming. I dolled myself up and I went out with a guy, knowing exactly how you feel about me and exactly how I feel about you.

You did the meal for Ruby and her friends anyway and then you left. You stole away into the night and nobody even noticed. When I came home last night, I hovered outside your door for so long. I was so desperate to see you but I was too afraid. And there wasn't a light on so I chickened out and told myself that I didn't want to disturb you if you were asleep.

Then, in the morning, you still weren't around. I thought it was strange because you've always been an early riser. I was going to knock. I really was. And if I had, then I would have noticed you were gone sooner and then perhaps I could have saved you better, quicker. But I got the call to tell to me about Tanya's 'accident' and I hurried out to work. I failed you. All I seem to do these days is fail you. And you don't deserve that. You deserve better than for someone like me to be playing the hero. You deserve someone who will treat you right and I... I just don't know how.

Heading up the stairs to your room, I don't even know if I've locked the car properly and I don't even care. After we saved you and took you and Robbo back to the station, I got caught up in interviewing him and telling him just how far he was going to go down what he did to you. By the time I'd done everything I meant to, you were gone. I snapped at Watson and for that I really ought to apologise. But I was so scared of losing you. I have this compulsion to keep you with me, to keep you safe. If something happened to you, I couldn't live with myself. Something did happen to you today. You nearly died. And I blame myself entirely.

At your door, I brace myself and knock. I wait and for a moment I think I'm too late but, sure enough, you open the door to me. You don't look happy. You barely spare me a glance as you fling open the door and return to your packing. You look like the shell of the person you normally are. There isn't a smile in sight. You hate me and I hate myself. I've let you down and we both know it.

Staring at you as I inch into the room and shut the door, I find I have no idea what to say. So I tell you that you should see a doctor after everything you've been through. You thank me but tell me you're fine. You clearly don't want me around but I know I can't leave. I approach you gingerly and suggest you might still be in shock. You move away and I wonder if it's because you're that intent on packing up of if it's because you can't stand to be near me.

"I'm not," you say firmly.

You look at me for a moment and then continue packing.

I can't take my eyes off you and I tell you that you shouldn't be alone. I don't want you to be alone. I don't ever want you to be away from me. But I have no idea how to keep you. And I have no idea how to let you know how I feel. I don't even understand it myself.

So I stick with professionalism and tell you that reality is going to hit you soon. You do your best to ignore me but I can see the emotion on your face and the tears in your eyes. You're shaken up by today. I know you are. And why wouldn't you be? The man who raped you, kidnapped you and tried to kill you. You were mere seconds away from death when we finally caught up with you. A little bit too late and I would have lost your forever. I feel sick at the thought. And I know that the image of you lying in that cold bath with duct tape over your mouth, wet and pale and dying, is one that with haunt me forever. I didn't care about Robbo or justice in that moment. All I cared about was you. I can still feel you in my arms, almost lifeless and so afraid. I was scared too. I was so scared of losing you, of having let you down one too many times.

"Charlie, please!" you beg desperately.

Your words and the emotion within them shock me. Have Robbo and I broken you that much that you need to escape so quickly, that you have to leave your life behind completely? I ask you why you didn't tell me where you were going but I already know the answer. If anyone is at fault, it's me. I persist in my questioning but you just ignore me and carry on packing. I tell you that you could have died today.

"Yeah," you say.

And I'm struck by how little you seem to care. You've been to hell and back. I know that. Have I really made everything that much worse? You're broken. How can I make it better? I can't give you what you want from me – assuming it's still what you want – so what am I meant to do now? Please give me some kind of clue. I want to fix things, make them better. I just have no idea how. You look at me and seem so awkward as you struggle to explain your actions.

"Because I thought I was doing the right thing," you tell me "You were obviously having difficulty with me being there and..."

I look away, unable to confront that fact that this was indeed my fault. If I had only handled your feelings, or, more specifically, my feelings, then none of this would ever have happened.

"And I can't be around you anymore," you said desperately. "It's too hard, Charlie. It's too confusing!"

I look at you and then I look down, chewing my lip. I look briefly at you and then turn away again. An apology tumbles from my lips but I can't help but assert the lie that any signals you received, were false. You look at me and laugh bitterly. I expect you to accept what I say, like when I denied my feelings last time. But you don't. You look at me directly and challenge me.

"You gave me signals, Charlie," you said. "But there was nothing false about them."

Your words terrify me because I know they are true. Ruby saw the affection between us. But what she didn't realise was that it wasn't one sided. My feelings for you are stronger than they've ever been for anyone. I think about you night and day, everything reminds me of you. You're the sweetest, most incredible person I've ever known. I love you so much I think my heart is going to burst. But what can I do? So, I do my usual and I go into denial.

"You're wrong."

You look sad but unsurprised. You manage a smile and change the subject a little, asking me about my date with Hugo. I tell you it was fine but really, it sucked. I couldn't stop thinking (or speaking) about you long enough enjoy myself. I found myself sitting there and realising that I could never have a nice time without you. You make my world go round. As I stand here, staring at you, I think we both know it's true. But you're not going to push me. You've given me a thousand chances to tell you how I feel but I keep failing you.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

"I don't know," you reply.

You sarcastically thank me for stopping by and resume your packing. Your words cut like a knife and I know I have to do something now or I will lose you forever. I step forward, desperate.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask.

I know a lot has happened and I know a lot of feelings have been stirred up but I don't understand why we can't just keep going as we are. We could be best friends. We could still spend all our time together. We could flirt and play like we have been. We could connect. It doesn't mean we have to get physical. It doesn't mean we have to date or do scary things like admit our attraction. We could just pretend. I beg you to still be my friend. But you look disgusted. You won't entertain my denial. I feel tears sting my eyes and words come tumbling out of my mouth at breakneck speed before I can control them. I tell you that I like men, that I've always liked me. And it's true. I have.

"I've never felt like this before!"

You stare at me and we're both surprised by my out pouring. How did we get this far?

"Felt like what before?" you ask.

There is hope in your voice and your soul is in your eyes. I study your face, taking in just how beautiful you are. My feelings are surging inside of me but I can't put them into words. I love you. I need you. You mean everything to me. I'm terrified of how I feel about you. How can I possibly explain?

My lips are pressed against yours before I can stop myself. It's the only way I can explain how I feel. I kiss you and it's beautiful. I've imagined your lips so many times and they're every bit as soft and inviting as I thought they would be. I never want this to stop. I never want to break out of this spell I'm under. I know when we part, reality will hit and I'll backtrack. I know my senses will come back to me and I'll be horrified to realise I've kissed a girl. But for now, I'm pressed close to you, my lips are brushing yours, my body is tingling and my heart is soaring. I really have never felt like this before. I love you. I love you more than I could ever explain. You pull back in surprise and stare into my face. What's just happened? I kissed you. I actually, finally kissed you. And it was the single best kiss of my life.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Joey and Charlie finally discuss their feelings for each other...<em>


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven: Joey**

It's been a horrible day. I hardly slept all night and I haven't been able to settle since I got up. I feel so confused about what happened between us last night and you clearly regret it because you're avoiding me like I have something contagious. Maybe you think I do.

Things were pretty awkward after our kiss. We just stared at each other for a few moments before you cleared your throat and asked me to come home with you. How could I turn you down if I thought there was possibly a chance for us? So we packed up the rest of my stuff, you led me down to the car and then you promptly ignored me for the whole journey. I sat in the passenger seat, studying you and trying to figure out what was going on in your head but you wouldn't let me in.

We went to bed separately and you practically ran out the door this morning. I asked if we could go to lunch. You said you'd call. You didn't. I showed up at the station. You lied to my face about not having time for a break and then you promised you'd talk to me after work. On the way out, I saw Robbo. It freaked me out so I've been out walking ever since, trying to clear my head. I thought he'd already be in jail while he waits for his trial. I wasn't expecting to ever have to see him again. Looking at his face, looking so cocky and sure of himself, making comments to me and to you, makes me feel sick.

Now, I'm arriving back at the house. I walk through the kitchen and I see you've dumped your bag on the couch. I know you're not due to finish work for at least another couple of hours but perhaps you've come home early. I stand and stare at your stuff for several long moments before steeling myself to head up to the room you share with Ruby. I have to talk to you. I have to.

When I come in, you're sitting on the bed and your beauty takes my breath away. You're out of uniform and wearing a red top that's very flattering. I really think you're the most perfect vision of beauty that I have ever been lucky enough to see. I comment that you're early and you note that I wasn't home so I explain that I'd gone for a walk after seeing Robbo. You continue to fold your clothes but you look up at me. Eye contact has to be a good thing, right? I meet your gaze, see those perfect blue eyes, and I never ever want to look away. You stop folding as I tell you I think we've both been living in denial.

I feel anxious and shy as I struggle to explain myself. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I try to find the right words.

"Maybe I've been focussing on you so much because I couldn't think about what he'd done," I said. "So, sorry for putting so much pressure on you before."

You look a little startled and, dare I suggest, disappointed at the thought that I've been misplacing my feelings. You shake your head a little and tell me it's fine. It's not. I have to explain properly.

"I don't blame you for wanting answers," you add.

I shrug and offer her a smile before getting to the crunch. I have to know what's going on with you. I have to know where I stand.

"Charlie, just tell me honestly..." I beg. "What are you feeling?"

You look down and I'm surprised to find you struggling with tears. You're always so guarded about your feelings. Ever since that moment on the boat, you've refused to let me in. But now you look so lost and vulnerable and I wonder if you really will tell me what's in your heart. I just hope it's what I want it to be.

"That's just it," you say. "That's why I'm avoiding it. I still don't know."

That's progress at least. You're not shutting me down. You look directly at me and as usual, I get lost in your eyes. I watch you chew your lip for a moment and I remember that beautiful, startling kiss we shared less than twenty four hours ago. I hope you'll elaborate but you stay quiet so I swallow a few times and prepare to tell you how I feel. You're staring at me and I feel suddenly shy. I've never been this way with anyone before. I've certainly never felt for another girl the way I already feel for you. I feel shy about displaying my feelings and being honest with you but I know I have to if I'm to expect anything near the same.

"I'm in love with you," I say.

The words hang in the air and I know I can't take them back even if I want to. I'm surprised to realise that I don't want to. I'm in love with you and I want you to know about it. I want you to feel the same. And I think you do. If you have no feelings for me at all, why would you kiss me? Why would you have been so desperate for me not to leave you? I don't know if I'm deluded but I am certainly full of hope. You watch me but I can't read you so I continue to speak.

"I don't know it happened," I say. "Or when, exactly, but I knew on the boat. I knew."

You look down, breaking eye contact but I carry on talking anyway.

"And I think... after last night... maybe you love me too."

I know I've taken a huge risk by suggesting such a thing but I had to. You could react any number of ways. You could deny me yet again. You could be angry. You could fall into my arms and tell me I'm right. The latter is unlikely but I can't help but entertain the thought.

"Do you?" I ask quietly.

I'm hovering anxiously and my hands feel like they're glued into their pockets. You haven't looked at me since I said the words and you're suddenly finding your laundry ever so fascinating. I can barely breathe as you finally look at me and tell me you're confused. I nod in understanding. I presume this is the first time you've ever been attracted to a woman. I've been there. I know how hard it is to come to terms with your sexuality if you suddenly find that it's not the norm. It's terrifying.

"Everything I thought that I knew about myself, now I'm questioning," you explain honestly. "And for me, it's not just about you. I have to think about what this means for my entire life."

You're scared and unsure but at least you're talking. That's encouraging. I nod and smile, letting you know that I'm there. I know it's scary but I want to be there for you. I tell you so and moved closer but you're quick to object and my heart sinks. I sit on the bed and say your name. It comes out as barely more than a whisper.

"I can't even think clearly around you," you tell me.

The stress and anxiety is pouring out of your body as you weep and stretch out your hands.

"Okay, when I'm not with you, I can pretend that I'm this straight woman who did this crazy thing for a second..."

I can't stop looking at you. You're breaking my heart and yet you're still so beautiful. I love you.

"When I'm... when I'm with you, there's this attraction."

My heart sings as you say the words. You glance up at me and I can't stop smiling. You're attracted to me. You've admitted it. You've honestly said the words. You're communicating with me. Maybe you're even accepting how you feel. Maybe there's hope.

"Isn't that your answer?" I ask.

You shake your head and I try not to get carried away with the overwhelming feelings raging inside me. All I want to do is hold you and tell you that everything will be okay. But I have to be careful. I can't push too hard or too fast or I know I will lose you forever.

"It's not that simple," you say.

"Why?" I asked.

You're still tearful. I'm still smiling. And yet somehow our feelings seem to meet in the middle.

"I don't know!" you say desperately. "Maybe... I'm just responding to your feelings for me."

I try not to let my heart sink too deeply.

"It's nice to be loved," you say.

I remain silent but there are so many words bombarding my brain. It is nice to be loved. You're right. And I swear to you, I will love you better than you've ever been loved before. I'd do anything for you, Charlie. I'll make you breakfast every morning, not a day will pass by without complimenting and appreciating you. I'll never let you doubt how I feel about you. I'll listen to your fears and wipe away your tears. I'll make you laugh. I'll hold you, I'll kiss you, I'll make love to you. I'll give you my heart and I will take such good care of yours if you'll let me. Please let me.

"And I've had so many bad experiences with men..." you add sadly.

I try not to hurt or doubt and you quickly apologise.

"I didn't mean it like that," you tell me.

I know. I know that you'd never intentionally hurt me. It's not who you are. Otherwise I would never have fallen for you, especially so deeply.

"I asked how you were feeling," I remind you.

I'm just grateful for the honesty. I'm grateful that you've stopped standing me up and letting me down. If it takes forever to talk this through, I'll do it. I'll always wait for you.

"If you need space, I can move out for a while," I offer.

I privately hope that perhaps if I left you for a few days, you'd miss me enough and ask me back. I guess you'd either do that or you'd be glad of the escape. But it's a risk I'll take if I have to. You shake your head and I immediately worry. My concerns are well founded when you tell me you've taken a few days off and you're going to visit your Dad.

"Hopefully I can sort things out in my head a bit," you say sadly.

You're still crying and you look anxious. I try to cover my own disappointment and be supportive of you. All I ever want to do is support you, Charlie. Maybe time away will help you. But I'll miss you. I tell you that. I want you to know that while you're gone, I'll be thinking of you. I'll be thinking of you every moment. I gaze longingly at you and you meet my expression. Spontaneously, I move forward to kiss you goodbye. I aim for your cheek. I don't mean it romantically. I just want to be close to you. But before my lips can really make contact with your soft, smooth skin, you back away and force me to keep my distance.

"Please... please don't," you say.

My heart sinks further. Back before any of this, we used to hug and hold hands. On that first night, you held me until I was almost asleep and you kissed my forehead goodnight. And now I'm not even allowed to kiss your cheek. Are you that repulsed? Or are you that confused? I don't know. And I don't know how to ask. So I get up and I leave you to it without saying goodbye.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie's perspective on the same scene...<em>


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight: Charlie**

I left work early and I'm taking off for a few days to visit my Dad and hopefully clear my head. I still can't believe what happened last night and I have been running away from it all day. I've been running away from you. Things were so awkward last night. I thought my head was going to explode if I had to spend another second with you, looking so vulnerable and worried as you tried to figure out what to do and say. Either that or I would have kissed you. I would have taken you into my room and I never would have left. I would have kissed you, held you, maybe even made love to you. If I knew how. How do you make love with a woman? Heterosexual sex is so obvious. I'd feel like I was losing my virginity all over again if I was with you. Maybe it would eradicate the pain and suffering of when I lost it the first time. But... no. How can I sit here, packing up to leave you, and think about sleeping with you? How could I entertain the thought of sleeping with a woman? I'm straight. I always have been. But I kissed you last night. I kissed you and I enjoyed it and my lips tingle at the mere thought of ever getting to do it again.

I was up and out early this morning. You caught me anyway and begged me to meet you for lunch. I said yes but I knew at the time I was lying. I still had no idea what I was meant to say to you. Half of me wants to run far away from you and half of me wants to fling myself into your arms and beg you to love me forever. And I'm not that type of girl. Even with men, I've never been a forever kind of person. I've never wanted anything long term, nothing more than a fling. But I want you more than I could ever tell you. And I want you for the long term. How could this ever have happened?

I ditched you for lunch. I grabbed a sandwich and hurried back to my office, burying myself in the paperwork I've been avoiding for so long. Of course, you came and found me. You challenged me in the way that only you seem to be able to get away with. You asked me about the kiss. You asked me where you stood. But I couldn't tell you because I don't know. And I don't know how to explain how I feel. You were hurt when you realised I had taken a break, however brief, and not bothered to call you. I hate seeing the pain in your eyes. I feel it every time I push you away. But I know if I pull you too close, I'll never let you go.

Just as you were leaving, Robbo was being transferred. He scared you and he pissed me off. He'd already made dirty comments about us and he did it then too. Once I'd seen you safely out the door, I laid into him and got myself into trouble. It angers me that of all the people to realise what's going on between us, it's the man who raped you, who broke you. The man who sent you into my arms in the first place.

My colleague came in and offered to take over your case. Its effects on me are obvious, I guess. He suggested I take some time out and I refused at first but now I'm back home and ready to flee. Please don't think it's because I don't feel for you. The opposite's true. I feel so much for you that I feel like I can hardly breathe. I love you and I know it. But I'm far too scared to let you know. I'm afraid of being wrong or disingenuous, of hurting you more and letting you down. And I'm terrified of how my life is going to change if I suddenly step out with a woman on my arm – even if you are the most beautiful woman in the world. I definitely can't think clearly around you. You take my breath away.

So, now, I'm sitting here, getting ready to leave but I will never go without saying goodbye. That would be unforgiveable and I can't do it to you. I came home early so that perhaps we could talk properly but you weren't here so I'm packing first. I hear footsteps and I know it's you before you even push open to door.

"Hey," you greet me softly.

You never seem to quite know what to expect from me. I suppose you don't.

"You came home early."

"You weren't home," I say as I focus on folding my clean clothes, ready to figure out what to take with me to the city.

You tell me that you went for a walk. I watch you venture a little timidly into the room as you explain that seeing Robbo shook you up. I feel bad. I should have followed you out and made sure you were okay. I should have looked after you. I've let you down so many times. I stop folding and my eyes follow your every move. You shove your hands in your pockets as if you don't know what else to do with them and you tell me that you might have been focussing so much on me because you couldn't bear to think about what had happened to you. My heart sinks and I feel like it's somehow constricted over the fear that after everything, I might be in this turmoil over something that isn't real. I was sure of your feelings for me. It was only my own that I was afraid of. Now what am I meant to do?

"So, I'm sorry for putting so much pressure on you before," you add.

I shake my head, trying to gather my thoughts and I tell you that it's fine. I chew my lip, a nervous habit when I don't know what to say. I'm surprised I haven't bitten through it over these last few days.

"I don't blame you for wanting answers," I add.

You shrug and offer me the sweetest smile. It melts my heart. You always melt my heart.

I can't quite explain what I feel for you but I know that it's real and I know that it's strong. I've been doing this a different way. Maybe it's better and maybe it's worse but every time I've been attracted to someone, I've leapt into bed with them without really thinking it through. And it's always been short-lived and I've always got hurt. It's like there's a part of me that can maybe see a future with you, should I actually be able to get over myself. And that part of me is desperate to do things the right way. If I could be with you, I wouldn't want it to be a flash in the pan. I would want it to be something built to last. I'd want to love you for a lifetime. Even if nothing actually happens between us, I already know I will love you for that long.

"Charlie, just tell me honestly," you request. "What are you feeling?"

I look down and I can feel tears welling in my eyes. I've never been a crier and yet somehow I can't seem to contain my feelings when I am around you.

"That's just it," I say. "That's why I'm avoiding it. I still don't know."

Well, I don't know enough anyway. I know I love you. And I know that in some kind of utopia, I would be with you without a moment's hesitation. But we're not in paradise. We're living in a small town full of judgemental people. I work for a male dominated police force where it's hard enough to be a woman, let alone be in a relationship with a one. I love you and I am terrified. I study your face, trying to read you but there's no need. You've always been the kind to lay your cards out on the table.

"Then I'll tell you what I feel," you decide.

I watch you intently, hanging on your every movement and your every word.

"I'm in love with you."

I continue to stare. People have said the L word to me before and it's been met with fear but this is of a different kind. I'm scared not because I don't feel the same but because I do. I love you so much, Joey.

"I don't know how it happened," you continue. "Or when exactly but I knew on the boat."

So did I.

"I knew," you say.

I look down, studying my discarded washing.

"And I think after last night... maybe you love me too."

Your words are bold but your face looks shy and uncertain. You gaze at me with hope and I want to tell you that you're right but I don't know how. I play with my laundry as you ask me to let you know one way or the other.

"I'm confused," I tell you, finally looking up again. "Everything I thought that I knew about myself, now I'm questioning."

My words are coming out awkwardly but I want to persist. I want to be honest with you and with myself. I want to find a way forward at last.

"And for me," I say. "It's not just about you."

I wish it was just about you. If I didn't have to consider labels and the world around me, we'd be together right now. We'd be happy.

"I have to think about what this means for my entire life," I explained.

You nod and smile your encouragement, clearly elated that I'm finally opening up. You ask me to talk to you. You want to work this out together. But I don't think we can and I tell you so.

You come to sit on the bed and I'm almost scared of you being so close. It's like a magnet might come and pull us together and I won't be able to escape. And nor will you. You say my name and my voice breaks as I tell you I can't think clearly around you.

"When I'm not with you, I can pretend that I'm this straight woman who did this crazy thing for a second," I say.

You continue to look at me and all I can see and feel is love. I want to let you close but I have to keep you far away.

"When I'm... when I'm with you, there's this attraction."

I glance at you and as ever, I am overwhelmed by your smile.

"Isn't that your answer?" you ask.

I wish it was. But I shake my head and tell you it's not that simple.

"Why?"

The question hangs in the air and I have no idea how to answer it. Why isn't it that simple? I want it to be that simple. I can't even tell you how much I want to throw caution to the wind and pull you into my arms and tell you that you're right - I do love you too.

"Because..." I falter, growing ever more tearful and feeling embarrassed. "I don't know! Maybe... I'm just responding to your feelings for me."

I hardly know where to look as I try to find excuses for why I might have fallen for a girl.

"It's nice to be loved," I say sadly.

And it is. Your love, specifically, is the best and worst feeling in the world. I'm so confused by what I feel and I know my life would be a hell of a lot easier if you weren't in it. But now I know you, now I love you, I know that my life would also be empty. I don't think I could live without your smile, your laugh, your enthusiasm, your beauty. I fall more deeply for you every single second. But my excuses continue.

"And I've had so many bad experiences with men..."

Images of broken relationship haunt me but nothing more than the first boyfriend I ever had. I haven't been able to tell even you what happened on the day that changed my life. And you of all people would understand. Maybe in time I could share it with you. I glance back up at you and I see the disappointment in your beautiful face.

"Sorry," I say quickly. "I didn't mean it like that."

I know that past experiences for either of us are nothing to do with what is happening now. I love you for who you are, not because of where I've been and I feel guilty for suggesting such a thing. But you reassure me. You're always here and ready to reassure me. I'm very lucky to be loved by you.

"I asked how you were feeling," you say, nodding and trying to keep the smile on your face.

Then you offer to move out if I need space but I look up sharply and shake my head before explaining that I'm taking the rest of the week off work to visit my Dad.

"Hopefully I can sort things out in my head a bit."

"I'll miss you."

I know you mean it. We gaze longingly at each other. You move forward to kiss me on the cheek but I have to tell you not to. Just having you so close is enough to break me but I know if I feel your lips on my skin, that will be the end of all my resolve. All I want to do is kiss you. I want to kiss you again, properly, more passionately and with everything I have. But I'm not ready and I don't know if I ever will be.

You draw back, looking upset at the rejection. I wish I could make you understand. I watch you leave in silence and I break down in tears. I want you so much but I'm so afraid and I don't think even you can guide me through this. But you're right. That is my answer. I'm attracted to you. I can't stop thinking about you. I want to kiss you and hold you and show you just how in love I am. But I just don't know how.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Joey thoughts as Charlie comes home...<em>


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine: Joey**

It hasn't been an easy day. You haven't been in touch at all and I've been afraid to text you for fear of pushing too hard and therefore pushing you away. Then, yesterday, I was so excited that you were coming home. But only Ruby walked through the door. You'd decided to stay on and I fear that it's because you didn't want to see me. That can't be good, can it?

Tonight, I am babysitting VJ while Leah goes out on a date with Roman. You don't know that they're seeing each other and I certainly don't want to be the one to tell you. Maybe you won't care? Or maybe you'll care a lot. I have no idea. But VJ is in bed and I'm reading in my room. Well, in your room. I hear a door opening and I leap up. Every time an unexpected noise occurs, I can't quite help but worry that it's Robbo, come to find me and finish me off. I am so relieved to see you standing in the lounge, looking every bit as gorgeous as you always are. Even I didn't quite realise how much I missed you and I like to think I'm pretty self aware.

I greet you with warmth but I can't quite read you. As usual.

"Hey," you reply.

Do I really make you this anxious just on sight? I spent the whole week hoping that you'll come back and fall into my arms but as I study your beautiful features, it's looking less and less likely. You're in flattering trousers and that sleeveless white top that I like so much. It shows off your... um... assets perfectly. I'd like to be wholesome and say that I'm not looking but I think you already know that I am. I can't stop looking at you.

"I was beginning to wonder if you were ever coming home," I admit.

You sit on the arm of a chair and I stand near you, hands shoved in my pockets because I have no idea what else to do with them.

"Yeah, I..."

You run a hand through your hair. I'm captivated by every move you make. Everything you do, everything you are is so perfect. I think it's too much to hope that you could ever be mine.

"I had my hands full with Dad," you explain. "But it was good in a way. It gave me a chance to figure things out in my head."

"And...?" I nudge.

"And..."

You make a small 'oh' sound and move swiftly across the room, dumping your keys on the table and hurrying into the kitchen, muttering something about it all seeming clearer in the car. I'm not entirely sure what to do. Are you running away from me again? Are you avoiding the subject because you're afraid of telling me you love me or because you're afraid of breaking my heart?

I follow you in the kitchen. You're standing in the corner, fiddling with something on the counter as you try to avoid my gaze.

"Well..." I try, unsure of what to say.

My hands are surgically attached to my pockets and tension is locking my body. As usual, I feel like I can barely breathe around you.

"Just say it," I beg. "Either you love me or you don't."

That's what it comes down to, doesn't it? If you have feelings for me, I don't see how either of us can deny them. And I don't understand why we would want to. If we could make each other happy, where is the problem? And I so want to make you happy, Charlie. I can hardly tell you how much. I move closer to you.

"It's a simple yes or no."

You stop fiddling and look at me directly for the first real time. You manage a smile and tell me that it's not that simple. I don't know what that means. I don't know if I'm meant to be preparing myself for good news or bad.

"This past week has been hell for me," I tell you plainly.

Your eyes look like it's been hell for you too. I don't want you to be in pain and I certainly don't want to be the cause of it. But if there is a chance that we could be together, that we could make something work, then I will do anything necessary to get to that place. But I know that if you tell me no, I won't be able to live with you. It would be too hard and my heart would be in my mouth every single time I saw you. Knowing that this could be the last time I'm close to you, I dare to tenderly reach out and stoke your hair. You half close your eyes and I'm thrilled that you permit the contact. Last time I tried to touch you, when I kissed you on the cheek, you pushed me away and it hurt so much. But you let me linger as I plead with you to put me out of my misery. You look into my eyes and you seem just about to make me or break me when the phone rings. We're interrupted and the moment is lost. I just hope I haven't lost you too.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie's perspective on the situation...<em>


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten: Charlie**

I've been sitting the car for ages. Somehow I can't seem to get my legs to move. It's been a long week and I think visiting my Dad was a good idea. It was nice to spend time with him and I know Ruby enjoyed it. But if I thought getting away from the Bay would help me get away from my feelings for you, I was wrong. I couldn't stop thinking about you long enough for that to happen. I dreamt about you and through every single I thing I did in the day, you were on my mind. I know more surely than ever now that I love you. But that isn't necessarily a good thing. It doesn't help guide me forward. For the whole journey home, having stayed at Dad's an extra day, I've been rehearsing what to say to you. And I'm dreading it.

Bracing myself, I get out of the car, grab my luggage and enter the house. I have only been in the lounge five seconds when you come out of your room. My room. Our room?

"Hey."

You greet me with so much warmth, even as you stand there uncomfortably, with your hands shoved in your pockets, looking terrified of whatever I might be about to tell you.

"Hey," I reply.

"I was beginning to wonder if you were ever coming home," you admit.

I feel bad. I've wanted to text you so many times and I've missed you more than I'd ever be able to explain. I felt bad for sending Ruby home unawares and I assume now that you must have been waiting for me. And I let you down. Again. I always let you down. And I'm clearly not going to stop. I perch on the arm of a chair and you come to stand in front of me. I look at you, taking in your overwhelming beauty and almost forget everything I practiced in the car. How can I bear to break your heart?

"Yeah I..."

I run a hand through my hair and tension grips my body as I explain that I had my hands full with Dad. It's true. He's been struggled a great deal and it always shakes me up when I see him.

"But it was good in a way," I add. "It gave me a chance to figure things out in my head."

You wait expectantly for me to continue but I have no words.

"And...?" you coax.

"And..."

I look down, try to look at you again and then give up. How can I make eye contact when I can see your soul? I stand quickly and move across the room in a bid for some kind of escape. Why is this so difficult? If I believe I'm doing the right thing then why am I finding it impossible to say the words? I mumble something about it being easier when I was in the car and then I head into the kitchen.

You appear within moments. I turn away from you and feel you come to stand near me. My whole body is on fire at the thought of you so close.

"Just say it," you request. "Either you love me or you don't."

We face each other and I wish what you were saying is true. I do love you. I love you so much and I want nothing more than to take you in my arms and run away with you. But I can't. You're the bravest person I know. You had so much courage for pressing charges against your rapist and for coming out. Those are two things I will never be able to do myself.

"It's a simple yes or no," you say.

I wish it was true but it's not and I tell you so. Once again, you put your heart on your sleeve.

"This past week has been hell for me," you say.

My whole body tingles as you reach out and stroke my hair. You retain the contact and I struggle not to change my mind and give myself to your completely. How can just a touch of my hair, with your wrist and arm resting against my body as you gaze into my eyes, have such an effect on me?

"Please, put my out of my misery," you beg.

I relish your touch and look into your eyes. All my resolve is weakening and I want to take back my silent decision. Could I be brave enough to love you? Could I tell my family, my Ruby, that I've fallen in love with a woman? Could I have a relationship with you? Could I handle being labelled a lesbian? Could I walk through the Bay holding your hand, maybe even kissing you in public? Could I be that strong? Could I be with you?

The phone ringing jolts us out of our silent connection. You look disappointed as you give me one last look before going to answer it. All the questions surging in my mind that I so desperately want to say yes to, are over. The answer is no. The moment is lost.

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><p><em>Next time... Joey experiences heartbreak...<em>


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven: Joey**

It has been a strange day. I'm not any clearer about where I stand with you but I am hoping that we will get the chance to talk today. In your defence, you had no choice but to head over to the hospital last night and you're working today. But perhaps later, we might get to actually sit down with each other. I know I'm risking my heart in a big way but I am so hopeful that you will tell me that you love me and want to be with me. How amazing would that be? Someone as beautiful and wonderful as you, wanting to be with me? It's unlikely but maybe it could happen. I think it would be the single best day of my life if I could kiss you again, hold you. I'd be scared of being intimate with you – with anyone – but I feel like with you, I could try. I think with you, it would be okay because I love you and I trust you so much. And you know what I've been through. But I'm getting ahead of myself. The chances are, you'll tell me that you don't want to be with me. You'll probably say that you got confused with your feelings of friendship or my feelings for you. But for now, I will hope. And concentrate on the vacuuming because I've been going over the same spot now for ages.

I'm surprised when I see you standing beside me, announcing lunch. I turn the vacuum cleaner off and I can't help but smile at you. I thank you and you immediately make sure I know you weren't avoiding me last night. I reassure you, encouraged by the way you're looking at me. Will we get to talk now? Is that why you're treating me to lunch?

You lead the way into the kitchen and I wait for you to talk. All this time, I've had my heart on my sleeve and told you how I feel. And we made progress before you left when you told me how confused you were. But perhaps you'll have more resolution now.

"Joey, this hasn't been easy for me," you say.

Well, I could have told you that. I run my hands anxiously through my hair and I watch you start to set up our food, putting the boxes on the table and pausing, holding onto the back of a chair.

"It never entered my head before that I might be seriously attracted to another woman."

My heart soars as you confirm your attraction to me. That's got to mean something, right? And it's a serious attraction. It's not flimsy. It means something to you. I watch you sort the plates out and I step a little closer, afraid to talk in case I shatter the moment. You tell me that you thought going away would help you feelings fade. You stop and look at me directly. I am hanging on your every word.

"But I couldn't stop thinking about you long enough for that to happen," you admit.

I step forward hopefully.

"So I was right?" I dare to ask. "You love me too?"

You look at me, seeming to swallow your feelings. You don't look happy. Loving me is meant to be a happy thing, isn't it? But you just look scared. I keep hoping but there's a voice in the back of my mind telling me I'm going to be let down. Please, Charlie, don't let me down. My heart can't take it. I love you so much. I need you.

"My feelings for you are... strong," you tell me.

You step forward slightly and my heart soars, no matter how I try to tether myself down. The anxiety on your face tells me that this could go either way. But I hope. I cannot stop hoping.

"But Joey, I've decided not to act on them."

And that's it. One moment and everything is lost. I look at you, crushed. I try to say 'oh' but the word doesn't quite come out. It's stuck in my throat and my heart is breaking.

"Why?" I managed.

You look down, trying to find the words. You look back at me but I feel far away. I know that if I stay in this moment too long, I will break. And I don't want you to see me cry.

"I've never seen myself as gay before," you tell me. "And even if it's part of who I am..."

You look tearful and close your eyes, trying to regain your composure. I'm drifting far away from you. A voice screams inside of me that it doesn't mean you're gay. You could be bisexual. It could just be a unique thing between us. But I have no words. I can't speak to you.

"I still have a choice not to act on it," you say.

I look down. My mouth is dry and my soul is empty. All this time, I have been waiting for you, hoping. And you were never going to be with me, were you? You were never going to get your head around your feelings and let me in.

"I know you must think I'm gutless but..."

You sigh heavily, still looking at me.

"I don't want to go there," you tell me.

Where, specifically? Is it me? If I was another girl, would you cope? Is it that you're attracted to my personality but the rest of me is awful? Did you hate our kiss? Does the thought of touching me make you feel sick? Here I was, dreaming of overcoming my fears and maybe even, one day, making love to you, and you weren't even on the same page.

"Well, I can't," you say sadly.

I watch you for a moment. You chew the lip that I had dreamed of kissing again and I fade far away from myself. I need to be all business. I have to lose my feelings and overcome the urge to break down and cry in your arms. I know I'm not above begging but I won't do it. I've lost enough dignity to last a lifetime. You don't want me. So fine, I don't want you.

"I'll have my stuff out of your room before you get home from work tonight," I say, turning swiftly and hurrying from the room.

"No, you don't have to do that! Joey..." I hear you call after me.

I hear your footsteps behind me as you call my name again. I start to give you a mouthful but when I turn around and see you so close and so upset, I lose my train of thought. If this is hurting you so much, why are you doing it? I don't understand. Would being in a relationship with a woman, even if it was loving and beautiful and with someone who worshipped the ground you walked on... would it really be so terrible for you? Because I would love you, Charlie. I would love you for all I am worth if you'd only let me.

"I can't stay in the same house as you," I say more softly. "The whole time you were away, I was just waiting for you to come home and say all the things I wanted you to say and instead it's just..."

I trail off. I have no idea what this is now. You step forward and hold my arms. I want to pull away but I don't know how.

"Joey, I don't want you to leave things like this, okay?" you tell me. "I want you to stay."

I shake my head a little and tell her she's kidding herself. Silently I add that not everything is about what she wants.

"It would be so awkward and painful if I stayed," I explain.

You nod unhappily and I'm grateful that you know it's true. I can't be around you now. I can't see you and want you every day and live with that kind of rejection. I'd do pretty much anything for you, Charlie but not this.

"What are you going to do?" you ask, leaving my arms and wiping the tears from your eyes. "You've got nowhere to go."

I try to smile in a bid to look like I'm feeling positive about the future. My next move is going to be hell, no matter what Brett said this morning.

"I'll go home," I say.

You look horrified and accuse me of being the one who is kidding herself. I'm not. I know exactly what kind of hell it is going to be living with Brett again. He might have made the right noises this morning but I know he will never accept me for who I am. There will always be that divide between us and it will always hurt. I gaze at you as you beg me not to go back there.

"You can't pretend to be someone you're not."

The statement is laughable in the circumstances. I smile bitterly and challenge her.

"Why? You can."

I turn towards your room, ready to start packing. You don't follow and when the door is shut, I finally let myself weep. I picture your face and hear your voice. You looked so broken today. But why, if this is what you want, is it making you so sad? And if you're so sad, why are you so intent on destroying us? You make no sense to me, Charlie Buckton. But I love you all the same.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie's perspective...<em>


	12. Chapter 12

_There are only two chapters left after this one and then I will be back with a new story. I'm not entirely sure what it will be yet. I have one that ties in with a current storyline but I haven't written all that much of it yet and I like to write things in advance so that I can update regularly. If it's not that one, it will be a Charlie centred story dating way back to the beginning of her time in Summer Bay. For now, I hope you enjoy the chapter. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Twelve: Charlie**

I brace myself as I prepare to push open the door and I'm hoping you will be home. I've brought you lunch. Maybe it's a bid for me to sweeten the bitter pill I'm about to shove down your throat. We didn't get to talk much last night but I know from the way you were around me, that you want me to tell you I love you and that I'm ready to come out and admit the truth. But I'm not. I can't do what you want me to do and I hate myself for it. I feel like a hypocrite. It wasn't so long ago that I was encouraging you to come out and be brave. I made you do the scariest thing in the world by pressing charges against Robbo and coming out in the process. But I can't stand up and tell the world that I love you. I'm sorry. I just can't do it.

Entering the living room, I see you vacuuming. I can't help but stop and watch you for a moment. Even from behind you look so appealing. It still stuns me every time I find myself checking you out. I've never looked that way at a girl before but now I seem to do it all the time. I look at your face and I think you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen. I've taken a sneaky look at your cleavage and now that you're facing away from me, doing the housework in a bid to contribute, and bending over slightly, I look at your backside. You have a very nice bottom. How did I ever get to the point where I was lusting after a girl? I don't know but I can't help myself. Fighting the overwhelming urge to touch you, I move forward and let you know that I'm in the room. You smile at me and click the vacuum cleaner off. I can't help but smile back and triumphantly present you with your lunch. You look at the takeaway boxes and smile at me, thanking me so sincerely. Everything about you is so sincere. I feel like the epitome of a lie.

"Hey, you know I wasn't trying to avoid you last night?" I say, wanting to make sure that you know for once I wasn't being a bitch.

I was genuinely concerned for Roman and for Leah and I needed to make sure they were alright. And they're not.

"I just had to stay at the hospital."

"Yeah, I know," you tell me.

I nod, trying and failing not to get lost in your eyes. I tried to be so reasonable when I was away and then I was all business at the hospital and then again at work this morning but when I'm with you, I turn to mush. I can't help it. And I have no idea how to stay strong and tell you what I've got to say.

"Joey, this hasn't been easy for me," I say, as I lead the way into the kitchen, just about able to take my eyes off you for a second.

I set the lunches on the table and pause for a moment.

"It never entered my head before that I might be seriously attracted to another woman."

The words are easier to say than I thought they would be. I am attracted to you. And it comes out honestly and reasonably. That's a good start, right? It's such a shame that this is never going to end well. I start fussing with setting plates but force myself to continue talking.

"And I honestly thought that if I just went away for a few days and saw Dad then it would all fade away or something. But I couldn't stop thinking about you long enough for that to happen."

I see the hope in your eyes and I hate myself. I'm sending mixed messages and it's not what I want to do. It's just that I know I'm about to tell you I can't be with you and I want to make sure you understand that it's not because I don't care for you but that it's only because I'm afraid of the side of myself you've awakened in me. You shyly ask if you were right.

"You love me too?"

I gaze at you and struggle for control. All I want to do is tell you that you were absolutely right and I do love you. I love you so much that it scares me but I only manage to confess that my feelings for you are strong. You gaze at me in wonder; I shift slightly and look down.

"But Joey," I say. "I've decided I'm not going to act on them."

I can't take the look on your face. You mouth the word 'oh' and then ask me why in such a voice that I feel like I'm about to break down. I struggle with tears and I don't want to make this any harder than it has to be. But it's difficult when even as I'm speaking, I'm questioning myself and wondering why I am making such a stupid mistake.

"I've never seen myself as gay before," I try to explain. "And even if that is part of who I am..."

My words waver and I scream at myself that soon it's going to be too late to take this back. If I reject you now, I'm risking losing you forever. But I can't be with you. I can't. I can't be in a lesbian relationship. It's not possible.

"I still have the choice not to act on it."

You look down, so full of hurt. You lick those beautiful lips of yours and I remember our kiss for the millionth time. I think my heart is going to explode.

"I know you must think I'm gutless..."

You don't _think _I'm gutless. You know it. For all my bravado, I'm a coward and I'm hurting us both.

"I don't want to go there. Well, I can't."

I so desperately want to go there. I've thought about being romantic with you so many times. Just as friends we've always taken so much love and care with each other. I think I'd be so lucky to have you. I can imagine you being the perfect girlfriend. And my body tingles at the mere thought of touching you. I so desperately want to kiss you again, even as I tell you we don't have a future. And I've pictured your body and wondered what it would be like to get closer to you, to look at the curve of your breasts without the confines of clothes. What would it be like to look at a naked woman? To touch her? To touch you. But I can't. I can't do anything about these feelings inside me.

I gaze at you, willing you to respond but as I study your face, you change. It's like a curtain comes down and you're refusing to connect with me anymore. It's strange. I've never seen the side of you that suddenly, unemotionally tells me that you're moving out.

"No, you don't have to do that!" I cry desperately.

This is not how I wanted things to go. I need you with me. I might not be able to be with you the way we both want but I can't let you walk out that door forever. I call your name as I chase you into the lounge, trying to stop you from running out on me. I wipe my eyes, just before you turn around to face me. You look so hurt. I knew you would be but not this bad. What have I done?

"Charlie, there is..."

You stop talking as we come face to face. There's no point bothering to stop myself from crying. At this rate, I will be crying over you for the rest of my life.

"I can't stay in the same house as you," you tell me. "The whole time you were away, I was just waiting for you to come home and say all the things I wanted you to say and instead it's just..."

I step forward, gently touching your arm and trying to reach you. I hate to think of you waiting for me at home, wishing the time away so that I would come back and be yours.

"Joey, I don't want you to leave things like this, okay?" I say.

I don't want you to leave me. You can't. I love you.

"I want you to stay."

But you shake your head and tell me that I'm kidding myself. You're right. I am. I know I am. How could I have ever thought I could break your heart and then expect you to stick around, to live with me and be my best friend in all the world? I was an idiot to think that would work.

"It would be so awkward and painful if I stayed," you tell me.

I nod and I know you're right. I wish you weren't. I wish there was some other solution but I can't find it.

"What are you going to do? You've got nowhere to go," I ask, breaking contact with you and wiping my eyes hurriedly.

You manage a small, empty smile as you tell me you're going home. I can't bear it. You were a shell when I met you and it wasn't just because of what Robbo did – it was also because of the way your brother made you live. How can you even think of going back to him? You've grown so much since you've lived here and I want that to continue. I want you to show the world how beautiful you are. I can't watch you die.

"And you think I'm kidding _myself_?" I ask, exasperated. "For God's sake, Joey, don't go back there!"

My begging hangs in the air as we gaze at each other and I know all of this is my fault. Things could be so simple if I was just able to accept my feelings and be with you. I know that you and I could be incredible together if I wasn't so damn scared. What will it mean for my life? My family? My friends? My job? My standing in this community that I've worked so hard for? What will people say if I suddenly announce that I'm bisexual or whatever the hell I'm meant to be now? I can't cope. I can't handle that kind of pressure. And I can't drag you through it. So instead, I'm turning you out in the cold. I've hurt you so much that you want to get as far away from me as possible. I'm so sorry, Joey. I'm so sorry I can't be the person you think I am.

"You can't pretend to be someone that you're not," I tell you.

I know it's a stupid thing to say but I don't want you to live the kind of life I know I will now have to. It's horrible. I hate not being strong enough to be with you. I love you so much and you deserve better.

"Why?" you ask bitterly. "You can."

You turn and head into my room, presumably to pack. I just lost you forever, didn't I? I've made a terrible, terrible mistake.

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><p><em>Next time... Joey's perspective as she and Charlie finally get together...<em>


	13. Chapter 13

_This is the penultimate chapter of this particular story. I will post the last one next. Watch this space... Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Thirteen: Joey**

I was feeling so confident when I walked up to your house, ready to fight for us one last time. And things have gone well so far. I told you it was our last chance and that it was now or never. Either we talk or I leave and I won't be coming back. I've got the perfect job lined up and it will take me away from Summer Bay tomorrow morning. The only thing that could ever keep me here is you.

I was so relieved when you agreed to come outside with me. I was afraid of being shot down immediately. But I had hope. After talking to you today, when you said you were heartbroken, I sensed doubt and regret in your eyes. And I just can't leave tomorrow without giving us one last chance. Well, giving _you_ one last chance. If it had been up to me, I would have been dating you already. I would be kissing you and holding you, making love to you and working hard to be the perfect girlfriend and give you everything you want. But you didn't want that. Well, I think now that you did. But you were too afraid of what people would say and you couldn't take the risk. I just hope something has changed.

Now, we're sitting in your car by the beach. It's dark and the waves are calming as I try to coax you out and get you to tell me how you feel.

"I'm scared," you tell me honestly. "This might seem shallow to you but I'm worried about what it's going to mean for my position at work."

I study your beautiful face, knowing full well that this could be the last time. You look down but carry on speaking.

"And my family, my friends, and Ruby."

You look back up at me. I watch your every move and I cannot take my eyes off you. I've been trying to pretend that I've moved on and I've been adamant in ignoring you. But that talk today opened my heart all over again.

"How are they going to look at me?"

I'm struck by the vulnerability in your voice. You've always been so strong and in control, even when I've seen you broken down in tears. You're my hero and yet here you are, asking for some kind of reassurance. But I can't give it. Because more than feeling sorry for you and knowing, at least in part how you feel, I'm a little offended. I'm still scared of being out and proud but it was you who changed all that. And I know that should I get the chance to be your girlfriend, my fears would fade away and I'd be so proud to be allowed to call you mine.

"You'd be embarrassed to be with me?" I ask.

"No," you say very quickly.

That's reassuring at least. You look down into your lap.

"You know what I mean," you say. "You're over simplifying it."

"That's because for me, it is simple," I tell you. "Because I don't care what anyone else thinks."

You suggest that that's because I don't have the same responsibilities that you do. And you're right. I don't. But I like to think that even if I did, I would love you enough to take that risk.

"I don't want to go through my life wondering what could have been."

I'm surprised as my voice catches a little at the end. I guess that's what happens when you put your heart on your sleeve in that way. But I can't take it back. This is too important. I can't sail away from you and regret not giving us a chance. You just have to be willing. You have to give me a reason to stay.

"If we'd just stopped worrying about it and done what was right with us," I add.

You turn to me and I appreciate the smile that plays on your lips, even though you still look so unsure. I decide to continue making leaps, letting you know exactly what you mean to me. If you still walk away, I'll do my best to understand. But if I can make you see that we belong together, I will.

"Charlie, when I saw you at the wharf today, I could hardly breathe. That's what always happens to me when you're around."

You shake your head slightly and look even more serious. I steel myself for rejection.

"I thought you hated me this morning," you admit.

I laugh in disbelief. I don't think I could ever hate you. I'm far too deep in my feelings for you to hate you. You mean everything to me.

"Are you serious?" I ask.

I gaze at her for a moment longer, count to three in my head as I risk telling you the same thing I told you when you left me to go and visit your Dad.

"I'm in love with you."

I study your expression as you attempt to form words. I wait with trepidation for whatever you might say next.

"I think... I'm in love with you too."

I can hardly believe you just said that. You love me? Okay, there was an 'I think' beforehand but I'll take what I can get. We've gone from an attraction to a serious attraction to strong feelings and now love. You love me. I never thought you'd say that. For all my bravado, I pictured myself sailing away from you tomorrow. I didn't want it to be that way but that's how I thought it would go. But you love me. Maybe there's a chance for us now.

"Well, what are we going to do about it?" I ask.

You turn away, looking directly in front of you. I still can't tear my eyes away from your face. You lick your lips and I wonder if I might be lucky enough to kiss you tonight.

"Do you want to be with me?" I ask, getting right to the point.

Everything feels like it's in glorious slow motion as you nod. I tenderly reach out and stroke your hair and you immediately turn to face me, smiling and letting my palm cup your cheek. You reach out to hold my other hand. I look down at our joined fingers and then back up at you.

"Yes," you say. "I want to be with you."

I smile, trying not to look as excited as I feel. I want to jump up and down and scream and shout my joy. My heart is pounding in my chest as you sit there, willing to give me what I've dreamed of in months. You love me. You want to be with me.

Last month, I didn't think it was possible to feel as unhappy as I did after what happened with Robbo. And today, I feel happier than I ever have in my life. I feel like you're healing me with your love and it's something I want to hold onto forever.

In unison, still holding hands, we lean forward. My soul soars as my lips find yours. Kissing you right here, right now, is even more perfect than it was the first time. Your lips are soft and beautiful. _You _are so soft and beautiful. I fall more deeply in love with you as every second passes. The fact that each second is passing with more kisses, as we hold each other close, is even more amazing to me. I never want to leave your arms. I never want to stop kissing you. And as if I needed further convincing, I know I will never stop falling in love with you, my beautiful Charlie Buckton.

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><p><em>Next time... Charlie's perspective...<em>


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen: Charlie**

I'm touched to be sitting here with you tonight. You're giving me one last chance to be with you and even though I am still terrified, I know I have to go for it. This past week without you has been hell. I have missed you more than I could ever explain but at least I've seen you around. You've been ignoring me but I've been able to look at you, usually when you're not looking at me. I've been able to take in your beauty and know you're safe. But what would I do if you left? How could I ever bear for you to leave me? And you should. After the way I've treated you, I don't deserve this chance. But you've been gracious enough to give it to me and I'm afraid but I hope with your help, I can get through. I feel like I can do anything when you're with me. I just don't know how I'd cope without you.

You sit and listen patiently as I explain my fears about what this is going to mean for my life. I tell you I'm scared about how coming out as being in a relationship with a woman might affect my job, my friends and my family – especially Ruby. She means so much to me and I'd hate to lose her if she can't cope with my choice to be with you. But I do want to be with you. If I can just say the words, I know it will be easier. I know we'll be able to get there together if I can only get over this hurdle.

"How are they going to look at me?" I ask.

You look sad and ask if I would be embarrassed to be with you. I feel terrible. That's not what I meant. I mean, well, in a way it is. I would be... anxious about being seen with a woman. But it's not about you. Not personally. It's all about gender. If I was ever going to be seen with a woman, it would be you. And I'd be proud. You're so beautiful. Anyone would be proud to call you theirs. If I was a guy or you were, it wouldn't be a question because I am so in love with your personality. But you're a girl and that scares me. I wouldn't even know what to do with a girl on a physical level. What if we make this big decision and suddenly we get to the bedroom and I get it wrong? What if you laugh at me? What if after everything, you suddenly think I'm useless and don't want me after all? That would be so humiliating. And it's just another fear pressing itself against my soul.

I hope I've assured you properly that I wouldn't be embarrassed and I tell you that you're over simplifying things.

"That's because for me, it is simple," you say. "Because I don't care what anyone else thinks."

I wonder if that's because we're at different places in our lives. You don't have the same kinds of responsibilities that I've laden myself with. I look at you and I'm constantly disarmed by the look of adoration on your face. How is it possible that someone as perfect as you could ever love someone like me this much? I feel like the luckiest girl in the world and I wish I hadn't wasted so much time being ungrateful. You lay your heart on your sleeve and tell me that you don't want to go through your life wondering what could have been. Your voice wobbles at the end of your sentence and I'm reminded once more just how much this means to you – just how much I mean to you.

"If we'd just stopped worrying about it and done what was right with us," you continue.

I smile. I've thought the same thing all week. I've worried about what I would do if I saw you strutting round town with some other girl. Or what I would do if someone suddenly decided they were interested in me. I don't think I could ever love anyone but you, Joey. And if I am going to love you for the rest of my life, then it's better to be in a relationship than for you to always be the one that got away.

"Charlie, when I saw you at the wharf today, I could hardly breathe," you tell me.

I'm surprised by your words and the loving way you smile at me and tell me that that's what always happens to you when I'm around. I know the feeling. I shake my head and admit that I thought she hated me this morning. I really did. I hated myself. You laugh gently.

"Are you serious?"

You look at me. My heart all but stops.

"I'm in love with you."

It's now or never. I have to be honest with myself and with you or this is the last time I'll ever be able to. You're right here, offering to put yourself on the line for me. You've got a job, presumably on a boat – your first love – and you're actually willing to put that aside. For me. To be with me. Love like this doesn't come around like this more than once, does it? I fumble with my words and my heart threatens to burst out of my chest completely.

"I think... I'm in love with you too."

I curse myself for panicking and putting 'I think' in first. It just slipped out without my permission. It's a lie. I _know _I'm in love with you too. And it's the first time I've ever truly been in love in my whole life. I love you, Joey. I love you so much.

Your smile is so full of charm. And along with all the love I feel for you, there's a lot of lust there too. You look perfect, especially in this gentle moonlight. I want to kiss you so badly. I want to make love to you and I never want to stop.

"Well, what are we going to about it?" you ask, offering the sexiest of smiles.

I look down in my lap, trying to control myself.

"Do you want to be with me?" you ask.

I nod with certainty. I definitely want to be with you. Always.

You reach out and stroke my hair. I tingle at the touch and suddenly I can't stop smiling. I turn to face you, taking in your every feature, trying to memorise you. I take your hand. You look down and then back up at me and I tilt my face so I am resting against your palm.

"Yes," I say. "I want to be with you."

Your smile tells me that I have made the right decision. How could I ever have even considered letting you walk out of my life? We lean into each other and lips find lips at long last. I kiss you, gentle and shy at first but I already know this is going to be a long and wonderful night. As the evening draws in, our kisses deepen and our love intensifies. I hold you and pull you closer. I'm falling so deeply in love and I am going to enjoy every single second.

* * *

><p><em>Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this story. It's been kind of nice to go back to the original story we all fell in love with. I've stopped the story here because it's about the process of Charlie and Joey falling in love, rather than what happened after it. I don't think I will ever quite forgive the show for that!<em>

_I'll be posting a new story today as well. It's based around a current storyline, yet another missed opportunity to bring Joey back to the Bay. I normally write well in advance of posting but as it's current, I thought I would post it here, even though I'm only seven chapters in. I hope to catch up with myself soon!_

_So, thanks again to everyone who has read and reviewed. I hope you enjoy the next fic... Love, IJKS xxx_


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